Today my daughter was thrilled to have a big pot of rice at her disposal. She loves to make rice balls just like her grandmother (my mom) taught her. She showed me her special method and my heart warmed at the thought of my mom teaching her this technique. I didn’t even know they had discussed how to make a simple thing like rice balls. It brought me to tears as I thought of my husband’s nostalgia about peonies. His grandparents had a beautiful field of peonies that bloom every year around Memorial Day. He reminisces about the peonies often; they seem to be a happy symbol of his childhood. His grandfather taught him how to bud the flowers and how to care for them. This year, I asked one of my husband’s cousins to take photos of the peonies for my husband’s Father’s Day gift. She sent me so many gorgeous images; one is pictured below. I can see why this is such a beautiful memory for him!
My own grandparents are so dear to my heart. They taught me about Jesus in word and deed. They gave me a loving home when I felt unloved everywhere else. My grandmother gave me some great experiences; with her I saw the ocean for the first time and visited many cities. Grandparents help children bloom; I am an example of that fact. They weren’t really too involved with my life until I was a teenager, though. Was that because of my maturity or because they realized they were not spending time with me? I’m not sure.
When my daughter was in kindergarten, there was a Grandparents Luncheon at her school. Of course, there was no one to sit with my little girl (I couldn’t take off work for it.) A sweet teacher sat beside her and said she was the Pretend Grandma. While it made my daughter feel so much better for that one lunch, it made me feel better for my whole life. It meant so much to me that Pretend Grandma was there when the others weren’t.
Our parents live in 7 hours, in different directions, away from us. We only visit a few times a year. Although they are very close to the grandchildren who live near them, it’s a different relationship than the one they share with our children. I realize this was the price we paid for choosing to settle away from family. My mom makes an effort to see my kids on their birthdays; sometimes the grandparents ask to speak to the kids over the phone. We tried the whole webcam thing but it never really worked out. I can’t help feeling guilt over the fact that my kids really miss out by not living close to their grandparents. There are no overnight trips, no baking cookies memories, and very few photos of them together. My kids don’t have grandparents who take them out to the park or on special outings. Will the kids feel like they missed out when they grow up? Will this shape their idea of what grandparents should be? I don’t know. I hope that when I’m a grandmother, I can really devote my time and heart to all of my grandchildren, no matter where they live.
Do you have special memories with your grandparents? If they lived far away, how did you manage to keep a relationship with them?
I was very, very close with my grandmother but she died when I was 8. Over 30 years ago. I still miss her and certain things remind me of her. I don’t have any living grandparents sadly.
I loved this post, it is so true grandparents are important. My children have my Husband’s Mom who lives close, and his Dad, but he is in Michigan, I really need to make a better effort to have them spend more time with them.
The relationship a child has with his or her grandparents is a very special thing, but you shouldn’t feel guilty that the kids don’t see their grandparents everyday. All relationships are different. As long as it’s a relationship filled with loving, warm hearts, it’s a GOOD relationship.
The other half isn’t fortunate enough to have any grandparents, so I treasure mine even more. It’s important to realize we can learn from every generation!
I think that as long as your children are emotionally close with their grandparents, that’s the only shaping that matters. Not everyone can live 10 minutes away. It just doesn’t work out that way. Love is the main thing, not proximity.
That’s exactly right, Dawn. The good feelings of love and emotional closeness far outweigh spend overs.
I grew up with a very close relationship to my grandparents, so I totally agree with this. My own daughter is also very close to her grandparents!
I used to spend lots of time with one set of grandparents in particular and I have great memories.
My mother’s mother taught me how to make chicken soup and she fed my love of cooking.
My father’s father beat him and us so we stayed far away from him.
I had a special relationship with my grandparents, but we lived about two hours away from them. I wish we had lived closer so I could have spent more time with them.
I lived close to my maternal grandparents and far from my paternal grandparents so I have a lot more everyday memories with my maternal grandparents. My paternal grandparents drove out and visited us nearly every year though so we got to know them well. One of my fondest memories of them is from the summer we spent with them. They drove us from MI where they lived to ME where my great grandmother lived and we saw Niagara Falls.
My grandmother and I were super close, so I have lots of great memories with her. I miss her a lot now that she has passed away. I always do 3 nice things for others in honor of her birthday. I also make my family listen to me talk about her all evening on her birthday.
I wasn’t especially close to any of my grandparents, but they were always a special part of my family and have many fond memories. My daughter is very close to her grandparents and I am so glad she has them in her life!
I miss my grandparents, i love when Brooke can spend time with my parents.
I grew up right next door to my grandparents! It was so fun as a kid to be able to run next door to see grandma and grandpa anytime I wanted!
I would not be the person I am today without the influence of my Grandparents. I was fortunate to have both sets until I was in my teens. My Grandmother is actually still alive and she is still a great person to bounce ideas off of.
I was always very close to my grandmother growing up. I have an aunt close to my age and I remember us being young and fighting over my grandmother (She’s MINE!) lol! My father had to take me away from my drug-addicted mother when I was only a few months old and my grandmother was the one who helped with me until he remarried two years later. When we moved from Puerto Rico to New York leaving her behind, daddy would send me to visit with her as often as possible until she decided to move to where we were. Until that time came, whenever I saw an airplane in the sky I would wave and yell “Hola abuelita en Puerto Rico!” thinking Puerto Rico was actually inside the airplane. Sadly Abuela is slowly becoming senile and is forgetting people. But she is still the heart of our family.
My grandfather lived with us on and off through my childhood – great memories! I’m glad that my mom is close to my kids today, they have a great bond!
Almost 2 years ago, my husband and I left Brooklyn, the place I had wanted to live my entire life and absolutely loved, to move closer to my parents (and his) knowing we planned on soon having children. Though hardly a day goes by that I don’t think about NY and how much I miss city living, I’m so grateful my daughter (and future children) will be close with their grandparents!
I have two amazing grandchildren, and I love them more than words. They are the beauty. I live far away from them, but kept in touch through phone, skype, and gift boxes. I make a point to always be there on there birthday. My husband and I are getting to keep them for a week this summer, and we are very excited. Lots of memories to make and share.
I completely agree that the relationship between grandchildren and grandparents is a special one. My parents bring my daughter to Church during the week (my dad is on disability and my mom doesn’t work) and babysit her while I’m at work. She absolutely adores them. She asks for them at bed time and we call them to say goodnight. Sometimes when we’re altogether and she needs some comfort, she will go to them for snuggles. I love that she’s so comfortable with them and that she gets to grow up knowing that they love her and cherish her 🙂
It is hard for the grandparent and for the parents of the kids when you can’t leave nearby. It sounds like you are doing the best you can. They are blessed to have grandparents. I never got to know my grandmother I was named after, she died before I was born, but I think of her often, and when I was little, I wanted to know stories about her all the time, even the same ones, over and over.
We live about 4 hours away from our parents (our LO’s grandparents) and are struggling with a decision of whether to move further. We’ve always wanted to live in Oregon, and now would be the opportune moment, but that would mean way less exposure to the grandparents. Gah!
My Gamma was my best friend and I have so many special memories that I keep close to me. One of the things I am beyond grateful for was she was able to meet my husband before she passed. It makes me so happy that he got her seal of approval even though at the time we had only been dating a few months. I miss her every day but know she’s always with me in everything I do.
My Grandparents & I weren’t close. However, my parents were great grandparents. Dad always stated “We made many mistakes raising you kids. Now we have learned so we can be much better at raising kids.” I think often that statement has a large portion of truth.
Grandparents can often assist parents in a way that only loving grandparents can do.
I was very close to my maternal grandmother (I saw my paternal grandmother once a year until she died when I was 6, my maternal grandfather died when I was 2, and my paternal grandfather died before my parents met). Grandma died when I was in college; I missed her so much when I graduated, got married, and had children. I like to think she would be proud of me. My children are very close to both sets of grandparents (we live with in walking distance of my in-laws, and my parents drive 20 minutes to see us multiple times per week). My kids even have a set of great-grandparents! I honestly don’t know how I would manage to raise my kids without my parents and my in-laws!
I was super close with my dad’s mom. It is unfortunate that she is not here to spend more time with me and the boys. I sure miss her. It is a valuable time to have grandparents around! But I am thankful for the time that I did have with her.
We lived across the country from both sets of grandparents but when we visited them it was always so special.
I love your perspective, Dede. You found gratitude in the positives. I was very lucky to have my grandparents and a great-aunt nearby, but one very special aunt was a plane-ride away until just two years ago when she and my uncle finally moved back home. We spoke and wrote letters, and when was in University, she sent me care packages and I flew out after final exams a couple of times to stay with her and rejuvenate. It all works out.
Lovely photo! I agree with what you say! Grandparents are so important.
I like that my grandparents call me sugar. One set lived in town and the other 3 hours away.