Several of my students have said, “My mom is too busy for me.” That just breaks my heart. I realize that kids don’t see the things that adults have to juggle, but it’s never okay for my kids to feel that I’m too busy to care about them. Think about it, would your child say that? It also makes me wonder…..would MY child say that? I hope not. Here are some of the things I’m doing to make sure my child will never think I’m too busy for her.
I understand the struggles and challenges of keeping everyone happy. Here are five FREE things to do for your kids today. These are small things that don’t take a lot of time, require zero money, and they can make a world of difference in your relationship with your child. If you can’t do all five, try to do at least one. Keep in mind that if you’ve put some distance between yourself and your child, it might take some effort to break down that barrier. Keep trying. I promise that your child is worth it.
1. Look at your child when he/she talks to you. This may seem like a no-brainer, but how many times have you continued to read your email, watch TV, or make dinner when your child was telling you a story? I admit that I’m guilty of this at times. One of my students said to me, “I like you because you look at me when I talk to you.” I don’t think it can be any more clear than that. When speaking with another adult, don’t you expect eye contact? Give the same respect to your kids. If you really can’t stop your activity, like if you’re in the middle of driving the car or taking dinner out of the oven, ask your child to wait until you have a free moment. Just make sure you follow through with giving him/her a little undivided attention as soon as you get a chance.
2. Ask your kids questions. Yes, they will probably try to squirrel their way out of answering. Don’t let them. Ask questions that require a verbal response, not a “yes” or “no” where a shrug would do. Try these: Who did you sit with at lunch? What did you play at recess today? If we could invite someone over to play this weekend, who would you like to ask? Even if you only talk for five minutes, it’s a start. You can do this while playing a family game together, or just turn off the radio while riding in the car.
3. Say “I love you.” And mean it.
4. Find at least three ways to give a loving touch to your child. If your son resists a hug, try giving him a high-five or a pat on the back at some point today. Ask your daughter if you can give her a quick pedicure. These seem like small things, but they are so very important in building a close relationship with your child. My husband is the master of this. He takes time with each of our kids every single night, just tickling my son or helping my daughter blow-dry her hair. The kids look forward to that time with him. Usually it’s just before bedtime, so it’s a great way to end the day.
5. Say “I noticed….” at least once today. It could be something completely unremarkable, or it could be an enlightening moment. If your daughter sang in tune on the way to school, say, “I noticed that you sang that song so well. Your voice is really becoming grown-up.” Maybe your son chose a different cereal than you expected. Say, “I noticed that you ate Honey Nut Cheerios for breakfast this morning instead of the usual bagel. Want me to start buying more of it?” To you, it might not seem like a big deal. To your child, it means—–Mom is watching me. She sees what I do. She cares about me. And it will open the door for more discussion.
So try these totally free tips today, and let me know how they worked for you. I’m not a perfect parent, but I believe my kids know that they are loved and they are a priority in my life. I’m always looking for ways to show them I care, so I’d love to hear if you have other ideas to share!
I admit that I struggle with #1.
Thank you for the reminders! I will be saving this list!
Man, I need to work on #1, I’m always looking at my tablet when I’m answering my kid’s questions.
This is so, so, so important! The impact of parental involvement with a child is strongly correlated with student achievement, in and out of the classroom. That involvement can be as simply as those you’ve suggested – simple but meaningful!
These are all so important. Saying I LOVE YOU is free and makes such a difference in the lives of kids.
Thank you for these reminders. They are so easy to do and mean so much.
Clapping!!! Love this post, it’s definitely the little things that kids remember.
#5 is one I’d never considered.
These are awesome… I like that… I seem to forget to put my technology down to pay total attention. Bad Mom! HA
These are great tips! Although as parents, we may love our children more than anything, yet often times when they speak to us, we only half hear them. No matter how busy we are, we always need to make time for that truly personal connection with our kids.
That makes a whole lot of sense to me. Kids really do need to feel like they are recognized as people and are important in your life.
Although this post is geared towards the parent/child relationship, all of these tips go for any relationship. People need to feel validated and wanted, and all of these suggestions accomplish that.
It’s important to foster and nurture the ones you love whether they’re your children or just another loved ones. It’s all too easy to become distanced through work, email, and just the hectic day to day living that we do.
I have one kiddo that just needs hugs and kisses all day long. My older boys, they want me to listen! 🙂
These are all great to keep in mind! Its so important that your kids know that you really do care about them and pay attention!
Awww what a sweet post and a great reminder that we should do all 5 and more each and every day with our children. My mom never said I love you to this day and it branded me, I overdo it with my kids and tell them every change I get and hug them all the time. Thanks for sharing
Thank you I needed this. My kids try to show me something or tell me something as I am typing away on my computer and I do not always stop to look at them. Ouch.
Great tips. I love the “I noticed”. That’s a great one.
Great tips and easy ways to make kids feel important. Its very easy as adults to get caught up in our day to day lives and miss these little thigns
Saying I Love You is so important. I always tell my teens I love them and it is nice to hear it back.
This kinda made me misty because they’re such simple loving gestures that we all should be doing daily. It makes me sad to think that we might not be! My kids are older and I miss the little one stages so forgive me for my sentimentality.
I agree that these tips are perfect. These three things show acknowledgement which is so important to a child. Thanks for sharing.
Eye contact is so important. I always tell my kids to look at my eyes when we talk.
Great reminders and post. Isn’t it amazing how the simple things like noticing and looking at your child really do impact them. Taking time to notice something special about them and give them a compliment can really mean the world. Your right easy, free, and relatively quick…taking time to pay attention to your child…or anyone…really does impact them.
I LOVE that you made this list!!
Looking at your little one when you talk!! THAT people forget! Screaming across the house at each other is 1 of my pet peeves!! Kisses… LOTS of I love you’s and kisses!
Such a great list! People sometimes just forget how these little things can make such a big difference!
I need to work on eye contact. I am usually doing a lot of things at once and I think I am bad about looking at them.
Your tips are good for grandmothers too.
These are great reminders! Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our day to day lives that we forget to take the time to do these things. Many times we are thinking these things to ourselves and just don’t articulate them!
This is such a poignant reminder of how fleeting our little ones’ childhoods are.. I definitely need to work on a few of these!
I love this post! Will be helpful as my little girl gets older.
It is amazing how often we need to remind ourselves of the things on this list. Thanks for sharing, and reminding us to be better parents 🙂
Thanks so much for the reminders. I am guilty of #1 as well
So simple, yet important and easily forgotten things. Especially in our modern hustle and bustle!
These are great tips! It really is amazing how they crave our acceptance and attention much more than material things. Thank you for the reminder to be a “present mom” instead of a busy mom!
Great tips! One I really work on is to not expect perfection. I’m in the kitchen cooking and baking a lot and my 2 year old loves to help. Sometimes it’s frustrating because I want to just make what I need to and make it look and taste perfect. My daughter often has other plans but I really just try to step back and let her help because she gets so much out of helping in the kitchen.
These are great!! Perfect reminders for parents with children of any age!
I’m head down so much. I really need to be better engaged. Thanks for the reminder!
What a great reminder! My kids are grown now but my boyfriend has 3 boys and they are a handful! Sometimes I have to work just to keep my patience with them as they are not the best at behaving lol. But I do love them like my own and it’s important for them to feel that love and like you say letting them know they are important is free.
Isn’t it interesting how the wording can make a world of difference. saying “I noticed” is great, and I hadn’t thought about it until re-reading your post. It seems to mean more than just “You sang great.” “I noticed” really means you pay attention to them.