In the past few years, depression has become a very real topic for many families. We hear about it on TV commercials, and recognize it when we see it in the vacant eyes of a loved one. It’s not something that has newly developed; historically, depression was even documented in the Bible. Personally, I didn’t attribute the word “depression” to myself until I was at least in my late 20’s. This surprised me, especially since I was a psychology major in college. For some reason, I always thought the heavy weight on my shoulders was a result of school stress, or perhaps worry for my dysfunctional family. I didn’t realize it was depression until I’d already affected those around me. I recently read an interesting article about the adaptive development of a depression gene, and how it relates to the immune system. That made me wonder about a book I recently received for review. (affiliate link) In the book Hannah’s Choice, a woman named Annalise lost young children due to a terrible illness. In 1842, medical care was limited, but for an Amish woman it was likely nonexistent. Her older daughter, Hannah, bore the brunt of the depression’s aftermath. Hannah cared for her siblings and her father as best she could. In some ways, she became the mother of the household. It made me wonder, what should a person do when depression becomes too much for the family to bear?
As it goes with many modern-day families, Hannah’s family worked around Annalise’s depression. They tried to include her in the family activities. They excused her behavior when she preferred to sit in a rocking chair, lost in her own mind. Other family members took over Annalise’s responsibilities. Hannah shouldered the burden of the household, cooking and caring for the younger children. Her obligations transformed into guilt, as she had to make choices based on what her family needed rather than what she really wanted.
Faith wasn’t enough in this case…..which is something I don’t usually say. Instead, action was needed. Hannah had to decide if she would follow her heart when it came to her core beliefs and walk with Jesus. While every family influences their children when it comes to values and beliefs, it seems too much to ask a child to be a parent to her own parent, doesn’t it? It was tough to see the story from Hannah’s point of view. She was a good daughter and sister, and her mother’s depression seemed to be a noose around her neck. Although the story is based on a setting from 174 years ago, don’t we see the effects of these situations today? Hannah and her family members were so realistic and dimensional that I wanted to take them a casserole. The book was a deeply emotional read, and one that I highly recommend to anyone dealing with a family member’s depression.
So the real question is, what support can outsiders offer when depression becomes too much for the family to bear? It’s hard to say, since it’s common for a family to hide a loved one’s deepest dark days. Just staying close as a friend can help. Family members sometimes need a chance to vent and unload, so that resentment doesn’t build. Also, providing an hour or two of relief can be a godsend. Offer to sit with the family member (while you read a book or do some light cleaning) so that the rest of the family can enjoy an outing.
How do you offer support to friends who are dealing with depression?
Just about everyone I know is on anti-depressants, so I think it’s the norm now. Thanks for sharing!
Wow…what an emotional story! It is relevant today. We are all depressed at one time or another, but, for some, depression is a thing they live with daily that eats at them. It’s scary how we often try to hide or lessen it, but it does need outside involvement and help. Faith is needed, too. Being there for the person is important and trying to get them to see how special and loved they are. Sometimes medications are needed or the outside involvement of a therapist for the person and often the family, too. Whatever is needed to help, it is just important that the whole family does get help.
Sounds like an emotional read. Depression can become a major issues sometimes. People suffering with it need the support of others.
I have dealt with depression for years. I had a hard time admitting to my husband that one of the pills I was taking was an anti depressant. That’s how sad our society works, making us feel as though we are damaged goods. But I hope that my willingness to share with others would encourage anyone that needs to know that they’re not alone.
Jeanine, I’m sorry that you felt uneasy telling your husband about your medication. I hope that you’ve found relief from taking it, though.
I enjoyed reading this post. Many in my family have dealt with depression in many levels, so its always reassuring when you see that people recognize depression as real and talk about it and not throw it under the rug. Thank you!
Very touchy subject!! I actually recommend they contact a psychologist and also find something they love to do and do it!!
You’re right, of course — anyone who suffers from depression should consider contacting a psychologist or a trusted doctor.